Vacation - Day 2

Tuesday morning is here now, and I've once more been up since 4 AM in my quest to keep from ballooning over my vacation. No danger, really; I hit another 240 calories on the bike today while listening to episode 1 of Doctor Who - The Dark Husband, then I went to the weights for the rest of the workout with Britney Spears' new album, Circus, in my ears.

Circus ain't that bad, really.

I was speaking with my friend, the Internationally Famous Jim Wylie, and we both admitted that much to our respective chagrin we like the album. I like the new Killers album, too; when I was listening to the single "Human" I could actually hear that Killers "sound", almost how U2 created their own signature feel for their songs.

So. With the gym behind me I have the rest of the day to go. More laundry will happen soon. A breakfast shake. Folding the laundry. And a bit more shopping; The Dark Knight is out on DVD today and they're selling it for 19.99 at BestBuy so may as well cash in on that. Tomorrow it comes out on Blu-Ray and I will also get one of those; I figure I will be going to Blu-Ray sometime by the middle of next year so I may as well start getting stuff to watch on it. The only thing I'll be getting on DVD from now on is Doctor Who and maybe the odd used movie at Rogers for dirt cheap.

Oh yeah there will be no painting this week. Something got in the way. Like, a Sea Devil and a Zygon. Shut up.

Okay so on with the day. And on with tonight when I see Duran Duran.

That is all.

Vacation - Day 1

Because it's after 8 AM now it may as well be vacation day 2; normally I'd be finishing work for the day right about now and coming home in a daze all tired and possibly grouchy wondering when I would find the time to do anything for myself today.

But I'm none of the above.

I was up just after 4 AM, and I went to the gym to get some cardio in. I didn't stay for weights or anything; I listened to an episode of a Doctor Who audio while I pedalled away on the bike for about 25 minutes and exterminated 240 calories in the process. Tomorrow I'll be back in there for a fuller workout in the morning.

I came home and had breakfast, did my dishes, prepped some food for later this week and threw on some laundry. And once it's all dry and put away I'm going to go out and get some new paint for my hallway. Yes, I had this brief dalliance with the concept of moving out because of my loud asshole neighbours next door and upstairs, but I'm not going. I'll see them gone before me. So I am going to do the hall in a nice shade of blue, and eventually the rest of my living room in a brown-ish colour.

That will probably be the extent of today; I'll go out and do more things away from home the rest of the week, like seeing Duran Duran tomorrow night at the ACC.

Stay tuned for more adventures this week.

That is all.

the onion

My day would suck without The Onion.

Go look at http://www.theonion.com and you will see why.

That is all.

you'd think...

Say if your weekend plans went all to hell and someone offered to adjust their to hang with you and maybe even help you out... YOU'D THINK you would get moving instead of keeping them waiting... OR if you were going to be late YOU'D THINK you might get in touch and say you're running behind, apologize for the delay and either make other plans or get your ass in gear and keep the ones your friend just made.

YOU'D THINK.

Cause it's not like I have all night to sit around and wait for SOMEOME who doesn't necessarily get the concept of what it means for me to adjust my time to make room for someone else. I'm a bit of a solitary creature, really; I am all okay with doing things on my own and actually have a few I want to do tomorrow morning, and staying out late because someone wasn't on time isn't really going to make that easy. Yes, Real Canadian Superstore is open 24 hours but that doesn't mean I want to go there at midnight when my plans for tomorrow start at 4.00 AM. Thinking back I remember when the same person I am waiting for right now wanted to go out drinking or dancing or something after a movie (which I pretty much slept through because I was so tired) I said "I can't, I've been up since 4 AM," the reply I got was "Well, nobody MADE you get up that early,". No. Nobody did. I chose to.

But it seems that someone is making me wait tonight. And I'm finding it all a bit rude.

That is all.

adventures in fitness - spoiled by day shift

Last week I was on a day shift taking the very enlightening Alternate Dispute Resolution course. It's Canada Post's mandate to have all the front line supervisors schooled in these skills so they can deal with events on the work floor as they happen and restore order and peace as quickly as possible. Basically getting people to talk their problems out rather than go crazy and attack people. I'm interested in seeing how this is going to work.

So while I was going to this course I was going to the gym every morning before heading down. Yes, 5.00 AM each day last week I was stood outside of Extreme Fitness in the cold with other devoted morning peoples, and I worked out. And I felt good doing it. So good, in fact, that it made me want to get to a day shift faster. I remember back when I worked at Penguin Books / Canbook / Pearson Canada I was at the gym almost every morning before I came to work and I loved it. LOVED IT. Midnight shifts obviously pose a bit more of a challenge because with being tired all the time who has the energy to work out.

But I am going to try.

Today is a Sunday. I am working at 10.00 AM today on an overtime shift because 'tis the season and all that, so I am going to the gym before I go in. And then this week I am going to go a few times before my midnight shifts, since the gym is open until 11.00 PM. And then I am going to stick to it. And I'm going to be going for longer workouts too. I have a week off coming up in December so I'll translate it back to daytime workouts during that time, but for now this is How It Will Be, cause I like being able to wear 33 and 32 waist pants again.

That is all.

i should just stay in bed

I woke up from a fantastic sleep just now - I was out of it for over 7 hours, which is something new to me lately as I have been having trouble sleeping by day. But with new earplugs and all my domestics in order, maybe I was just ready to sleep for a long spell.

And then, as they say, I woke up.

I made the mistake of looking at the website for The Toronto Star and seeing all the dismal financial news. So oil is really cheap now because no-one wants it to drive cars they can't afford. So we're supposed to bail out the auto industry - we're supposed to hand over tax money to save the most ignorant industry there is, run by people who never listened when everyone said "Yeah when oil starts to tank, there won't be a market for your product anymore,". And across town at a school where someone was stabbed there is now going to be a full time police officer stationed there? A pair of lesbian mothers attacked in front of their child by some raging maniac father?

Yeah. I should just go back to bed and call in sick or something, cause all that energy I felt for having slept properly has just gone *pffft* after reading all this crap.

That is all.

fine dining

I had my mom and my sister round for dinner last night. It was a good time and I managed to comfortably seat everyone in my living room once I brought the table and chairs back in from out on the balcony. Seems a summer out there didn't hurt them at all, once I got all the soot wiped off that was left behind by the roof tarring people in July.

So I'm awake now. And this sucks.If I had something to look forard to and anticipate like, say, Christmas, I'd be okay with being awake at this hour (I went to bed at 10 PM because I was exhuasted and here it is 3 AM and I'm up) but there's nothing big planned for today that should cause this waking anxiety. It's not even nice out - it's raining a bit. And the building is quiet for a change so I should be able to sleep and be all "ah what a great night", but no. Dammit.

No-one on my MSN buddy list is awake right now, so my idle chatting options are not there like they usually are. The gym doesn't open for a bit, nor does the St Lawrence Market (and I don't even need anything from there this weekend ... except maybe some onions. And lettuce. Oh bugger.) and I have neither the mindlessness of television or prattling of gay.com to kill time. And I have nothing to read. I finished another of the Star Wars novels the other day, Star by Star and forgot to budget for something new to read so I'm without that option until Thursday this week on pay day. Wait - did I put a new book in the entertainment budget? Oh I think I did, along with a DVD (Sex and the City The Movie or Sleeping Beauty - I'm not sure which).

Oh - life on MSN. Wonderful. Someone from Alberta. Hey, we clutch at straws when we drown.

That is all.

it's a good day

I have just come in from a whole day of me-time, and I feel so good right now I can almost ignore the slight twinge in my lower back. And then I try to sit up and things change a bit.

This morning I was up and out the door by 6 AM to hit the St Lawrence Market, then I came home to drop off my purchases before heading back out to Wal Mart at the Dufferin Mall. I came home via the Bay and Dundas Canadian Tire and the Yonge-Eglinton Centre, then I was back out again to do Queen Street West (well, Silver Snail) and parts of Yonge Street (I bought The Howling on DVD at Sunrise). All this and I stayed on budget! Feeling amused and optimistic, I even bought me a Lotto 6/49 ticket for tonight's $39 million jackpot. Yes, I dare to dream. And then I read my horoscope in Eye Weekly, which made me guffaw on the subway:

A nice thing about Pisces is how much appears
to be brewing deeply inside your sensitive soul.
That the majority of your thoughts are about nap
time and cheese sandwiches is information not
everybody needs to know.

I think that's just plain brilliant. Not that I eat cheese sandwiches. I've actually been very good today, seeing as I weighed in at 187 lbs yesterday. Here, I'll share:

1 large double-double at Tim Horton's (6.10 AM)
1 apple danish from the Market (6.55 AM on the subway coming home)
1 cup of tea (10 AM or so, home at last)
1 banana with strawberry yogurt (10.30 AM, still at home)
1 meuslix bagel with butter (10.40 AM, still at home)
1 more large double-double at Time Horton's (2.00 PM)

That's it so far. Maybe some cottage cheese with red pepper hummous on flatbreads for a snack in a bit, for it's pizza with friends in an hour or so and Blakes 7 and beer with Jay later on.

Simple pleasures all around for me today. And why not. Thoughts for improvement? Well it could be a bit cooler in here. My apartment thinks its the tropics and I don't even have any of my radiators on. Hot water heating be damned. The autumn air is starting to dry me out as well so on with the humidifier soon and on with more moisturizer as well. Oh and I need new cologne.

Professionally I feel good things going on around me. I'm at Canada Post still and I actually feel as if I am making a material difference to what goes on around my depots. There are changes happening all around in the Corporation and I am getting a lot of experience. So far I've worked on restructures, I've helped move locations, I've had intensive supervisor training, I've worked a unique and challenging position, I've met with the legal department as lead-up to an arbitration hearing next week ... yes, I've seen a lot. And there's more to do still. And it gets noticed, let me tell you. Looks like an interesting future ahead of me there.

And to close. Heidi and I were out last weekend all day on Saturday doing photos for her digital photography course, and I was her model. Today I bumped into her on the street and she had a complete CD ROM of all the shots we took, and I am really impressed with them. I've cycled a few through on my MSN profile today and gotten good response, so I'll share some here.






That is all.

OH MY GOD ITS MADONNA, or, No Fish For Me

Well, I saw the first Toronto performance of Madonna's Sticky and Sweet tour last night. Accompanied by my sister and Parker (who defied all concert etiquette and put his tour T shirt on right away) I spent about 2 hours watching and listening as Madonna went through 23 songs (4 of them video interludes between sets) and hardly broke a sweat in the process.

Verdict?

I liked 2004's Reinvention Tour better.

I'm not going to slam Sticky and Sweet for anything in particular; it's a slick performance, it's loud and rockin the whole way through and doesn't have any of Madonna's ballads on the playlist although things do slow bown a bit for her performance of "You Must Love Me" from Evita. It's just the sheer amount of content from the Hard Candy album that gets on my nerves as I did not really like that one as you might recall.

The crowd was happy though. And Parker loved his first Madonna experience despite having had a bit too much candy and feeling a bit icky by the time we were leaving.

So it's Sunday now. I have so much to do at work tonight it's not funny, and the week ahead is going to be packed with things. I have 3 events to staff and work at this week, which will be fun because I have recruited some of my best to work alongside me; the week will fly by. Next weekend will be my chance to get some rest and try to get back to something akin to normal.

Speaking of back to normal, or maybe the same old same old is more accurate... I was looking at some of the conversations I was having on PlentyOfFish.com and I realized that I was treating it as a replacement for gay.com and hoping it would be different. And it wasn't. Try as I might to do things differently and engage potential suitirs online on different grounds, I was still running into the same sort of players who just wanted to meet for sex, or tried to sell themselves based on attributes I wasn't really keen on (like the sudden surge of men nicknamed "HairyGuy" or "HairyCanuck"). So I deleted my profile before I got in too deep. That leaves me with Facebook and Globalfight, and let me tell you Facebook is on the edge itself just because it's useless. I haven't logged onto it in almost 2 months (not in a dedicated way or anything) so I think I may as well let it go.

Cleaning house can feel so good, even if it could potentially limit my options for meeting anyone new. I may just have to meet them the old fashioned way like going out and going to events and talking to people... *gasp*

That is all.

leave madonna alone

So what's this I hear today? I get a phone call sometime before 9 AM telling me that Madonna is getting a divorce. I'm not even out of my work uniform yet at this point, I'm still coking breakfast, and someone's telling me about someone else's marriage falling apart. And if I'm not mistaken there's this underlying tone of glee to the whole thing, almost the same as when someone else got hold of a new Madonna album and was sharing their thoughts on that.

I suppose it's my turn to comment, since the media have gone mad with this today. I'm afraid to turn on my MSN messenger because I'm sure to hear nore about it.

Leave Madonna alone. Can nobody see understand that her almost-eight year marraige to Guy Richie is not one of her products that can be reviewed and mulled over in the press? Who the hell is anyone to comment about anyone's marriage these days when the normal people of the world are either stuck in bad relationships or divorcing on a whim because they didn't think the whole thing through? A celebrity suffers a marital breakup like the rest of us and a ragged cheer goes up amongst the plebecite "Yay now they can hurt like everyone else!".

Heartache is a universal leveller. So Madonna's experiencing some right now, and I know it's never been the fashion to do so anyway, but there's not been much in the way of sympathy in the media. The press itself will dine on the carcass of her marriage and eventually start to tell us how she looks like shit from the stress, but the people - oh, the people - are already expressing their views of her marriage (as if they were privy to some special inside scoop on what goes on - they're just regurgitating the headlines) and they're not being nice. I've heard some say she deserved it (why?) and others who commented on how Guy Richie is jealous of her fame (where'd they get that little tidbit?) and still more who said Madonna henpecked her husband (when? were you there?). I remember back when she hurt herself falling off that horse there were just as many people saying she deserved that as well; aren't people just so caring and loving?

So here's my take, because I suppose I can speak too.

Madonna's marriage deserves about as much public comment and speculation as your last breakup or divorce did. Yeah that's right. Remember how much it hurt? Now imagine knowing that everyone knew about it and was talking about it. Your reaction was probably to tell everyone to mind their own business. So why not mind yours.

Shut the fuck up about Madonna's divorce. Look after your own relationships.

That is all.

thanks for giving

Another holiday weekend has come and gone, this one being the last holiday before Christmas. I went to Windsor on the weekend to visit friends and had a really fun time, even if some of the chat turned to the inevitible "we're getting old" theme. Oh and I am allergic to the host's cats, so I was a bit uncomfortable from time to time. I thought I was getting a cold but after one night's sleep here at home I feel a heck of a lot better. Next time : antihistimines.

Now that the holiday is gone, though, there are other events on the horizon. We've got an election here in Canada tomorrow (the call and campaigning before said election has taken a fraction of the time that the American election circus has chewed up) and then it's going to be Christmas. And don't think for one minute that the election isn't going to somehow influence the Yuletide spirit this year. Mind you I don't think the economic picture is going to change that much regardless of who is in power. Everything that is going wrong with the economy right now has very little to do with Canadian politics; it all started with the Americans, and having not learned anything from what happened in 1929 the whole world once again got too closely entwined with their financial issues and has been dragged down. Idiots.

So this morning since I had the extra time to myself, I did what any responsible person should do and I put my financial house in order. I know what I make and I know my overheads and there's no reason why I shouldn't be planning a bit better with what I have left over (which isn't a bad chunk at all - where the hell has it all been going?). But anyways. It's done. I know what Christmas will look like this year, and it'll be good. I had this whole idea about being debt-free by spring 2009, but I slapped that together a year ago when I started working for Canada Post and failed to adjust as I went along. October is one of those blessed 3-pay months so I could reset some of those goals with some breathing space, and I am now back on track. Hurrah!

Talking about money is vulgar though, so I am going to stop here. I'm going to do some laundry this morning and then go back to sleep for a while; I start work at 8 PM tonight. When I get home in the morning I daresay I'll be getting to sleep with the help of my little friend melatonin to make sure the week doesn't go pear-shaped on me. Because the week will end on a very high note : MADONNA!

That is all.

a life less gay(.com)

So the chat site known as Gay.Com has undergone a mutation and an upgrade this week, which means that the "back door" means to use it, Chat Client, no longer works. Users now have to interface through the main webpage and open chat windows from there; an experience I never really enjoyed before, hence using Chat Client as a means to avoid Gay.Com's screen-sized porn ads and other nonsense they had cluttering up the viewable area. With Chat Client not aligned with the new site, I find myself not willing to endure all that again and thus I am not logging on or using.

And I don't miss it. At all.

I went cold turkey off gay.com several times in the past when I felt like it was becoming an underhwelming experience replete with the same fellow chatters all saying the same things and looking for the same instant gratification, so to be away from it again won't be new territory for me. However, I took the plunge the other day and tried out PlentyOfFish.com just to see, figuring maybe there was a new breed to men out there who were tired of the same and might be raising their game a bit. I suppose this was me wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was a potential relationship out there for me.

I was kinda wrong. Sure I saw some new faced on there but bookending them were all the same ones from before, and surprise surprise they all wanted the same things as they always did. I got a few messages from a few new ones but the same theme started to work its way into the emails I got over the last two days: hey dude let's hook up. I put myself out there and spelled out what I am looking for, who I am and what things really make my world go round; I thought there's no way a good man with a serious approach to dating can miss this. He has yet to arrive, but in the meantime I've got men way too young looking to hook up, bi guys looking to hook up, and people just plain looking to hook up.

So much for that approach.

I'm going to leave it for a bit and come back to it later, just to see how things evolve over a few weeks, but if it's all the same I'll be pushing the "delete" button and walking away.

Let's face it though, a guy working nights has very few opportunities to meet people, so the cyber world is a handy tool for initial contact. But I'm ready to forgo that and go back to the basics of just going out and being out there and running into (hopefully) interesting people where our lives intersect naturally. It might take a while but it's been so long since I tried that it might seem interesting again for a few minutes.

And now I have to get ready for work.

That is all.

bitchin and brunchin and brou-ha-ha

So around 4 AM my asshole neighbour in apartment 301 decided to come home and slam all his doors and play loud music and yell and scream and throw things around and break shit. I don't care if he breaks things; with any luck he killed himself, but for god's sake what kind of people is Porta Holdings renting to these days? I've got the pigs down the hall leaving their garbage out and now this ass next door. Angry letter time to management, and phone calls to the police next time.

Jamie and I went for breakfast at a Queen East establishment called Hello Toast! which has a really clever kind of website and some interesting eclectic decor. The charm of its visual appeal though is not enough to forgive their awful pancakes. I ordered the blueberry flapjacks and they were just slabs of dough with blueberries on top. And there was some needy jerk beside us who kept switching tables because he thought they were all too wobbly. The walk back along Queen Street East to our next destination was pleasant though; it always is. We had nice blue skies and sunshine, which is hard to dress for when the humidity starts to come out of the air and you sear and burn in the open and freeze in the shade.

Our nest stop was the annual Word on the Street publishing festival. When I worked at Penguin Books Canada the WOTS materials were always a priority but this year I couldn't find the Penguin booth. Odd. But there were lots of people out there looking at books, talking about books, buying books, holding books or standing next to books to make themselves look smarter. Wonderful, I said as we got there, just wonderful, but the charm wore off when the psuedo-literary crowd just turned into any other crowd complete with staggering zombies, morons with strollers bashing into people's legs, and pretentious gits poo-pooing everyone else's choice of reading material. Oh and there were books.

Over to Church Street we went for a stroll where pretentiousness is not only expected but encouraged. Check out all those stylish gay men who swear up and down on the internet that they do not "do" the Church Street scene, but there they were all tarted up and tottering up and down the sidewalk on a Sunday afternoon. And there was already loud dance music blaring from the local businesses trying to lure customers inside with the promise of the party never stopping if you buy their overpriced underwear or their crude witless t shirts.

Then home.

So here I am with the last few minutes of my day ticking by before I go to work tonight. Yes, the week commenceth anew. And what pleasures it shall hold. Ahead of me I see... payday. Oh and my nephews are going to be here on Friday night for a sleepover. Seems they like coming here. Hopefully not for the shopping, cause this pay is a tight one. But that doesn't mean we can't have a few little treats. Emphasis on "little", with "little" meaning "affordable".

That is all.

the autumn ugh

Hello I have a cold.

I've stayed home 2 days from work trying to stave this thing off and lo it seems to be getting worse. Oh this SUCKS. I actually thought I had it conquered this time; I've stayed quiet, I've stayed in bed, I've stayed warm and I've not had any bad foods, but still it to to me somehow and has sunk its evil talons of disease into me.

Yes that's a tad melodramatic, I know. But you tell my sinuses to tone it down and see how far you get.

In other news, I heard last night that the Laundry Express at Davisvile and Yonge is closing effective 2 November. Seems the Hasty Market that shares the building has bought the laundromat and is going to expand so they can compete with the Sobeys on Balliol Street. This kind of sucks because I liked going to the Laundry Express and getting everything done there; my own building only has 3 washers and 3 dryers - you tell me how that makes any sense at all in a 4 storey building with 10 units per floor with at least one tenant per unit. Yeah, 40 people sharing those machines. As if. I have a bit of an edge on this though when it does roll around to November; if I am still working midnights then I have all day to do my laundry instead of Saturday or Sunday like everyone else. But still. There's another laundromat over on Mount Pleasant but it's not easy walking distance in the winter and it doesn't look as clean as it could be. A friend of mine got herself all worked up about bedbugs while we were discussing this last night, and while I admit that bedbugs are becoming the new cockroaches in Toronto, freaking out about picking up a bedbug at a laundromat isn't going to make Laundry Express stay open.

Oh wow look, the sun's starting to come up. You can tell it's autumn when the sun starts to come up later every day. This time last month it was already blazing across my apartment. In a couple weeks my view of the sunrise will be gone again as the tennis club next door will put up the bubble for the autumn and winter season. At least it'll be quieter for a few months - then I will just have to contend with all the internal nonsense of this building; that stupid bitch upstairs who clunks around in her high heels, that loud moron next door, the barking dog on the other side, and the dirty pigs across the hall who leave their garbage and recycling out in the hall overnight. Ah city life. I don't think it would be any different anywhere else.


I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall last night. Have you seen it? I was worried it was going to be crap. But it's not. It's insanely brilliant. Burn After Reading, now that was crap. Babylon AD was also crap. On both occasions the person I went to see them with tried to offer some kind of flimsy excuse that they were good because they were "funny". Or even better, saying that we shouldn't have expected a Vin (although, big fan though she claims to be she still calls him "Van") Diesel film to be any good. Then WHY DID WE GO. Sarah Marshall on the other hand is a fantastic story about a guy dumped by his celebrity ex-girlfriend who tries to get away from her but finds out she is literally everywhere, even at the 5 star resort in Hawaii that he goes to in search of some personal down-time. And she's there with the Euro-trash celebrity that she dumped him for. But there's hope for Peter the Dumped; he meets Rachel who works the front desk, and she's good for him. And he learns to live again. Oddly if the roles were reversed this would be a chick flick and a half complete with some drippy soundtrack. But as a dumped-guy flick it's pretty awesome, the comedy is well done and not excessive and not out of place, while the pain he feels when he sees Sarah with the Other Guy is not glossed over. I approve. See it. Wait - rent it, it's out on DVD next week.

That is all.

nicky and me

I had a good visit with my nephew Nicholas.

I met him and my sister and Parker at IKEA on Friday (after a fantastic lunch with my friend Raffaella) and then I brought Nicky home with me for an overnight. I can't say enough what a good little boy he was for me; he wasn't loud or rowdy, he didn't get that last last minute need to go home, he had his bedtime snack and went to bed when it was time. There was this brief moment about 1.30 AM where he woke up needing his mom but he calmed down and went back to sleep and was ready to go to the St Lawrence Market with me when it opened.

We did a lot of walking over the course of the day and the combined effect of that and an early start wore him right out, so by the end of the day I was carrying him a lot. I don't mind that much; soon he's going to be too big for me to carry around and hold. His brother is already getting there.

A friend of mine told me that this sort of visit where we do all these things downtown is "building memories". I really hope so. And I hope they're good ones. But there were no tears, no panic, no scares... just fun. See here I go again feeling a bit empty and alone after a visit with the kids. I guess I just like having someone to look after.

What I don't like, though, is feeling sick. Which is how I feel right now. Last week I was feeling a slow attack on my body by whatever nasty cold is starting to brew out there, and now today, I feel like hell. I keep feeling like I am going to be sick, my nose is starting to run and my head is starting to get all stuffed up. I think the foolish drinking and eating Chinese food last night was what really finished things off though; I haven't had anything like that for so long my body was bound to protest. I am supposed to be at work for 10 PM tonight. I can make it, but I don't know how long I will last. I'll give the powers that be a heads up on that so there's no surprises if I am missing in the morning. I'd rather not go in at all but I have too much going on to miss. Like, if I don't do it, no-one else will.

Oh and my friend Danny is in Toronto and I am not going to be able to see him because of all this. Wunderbar.

That is all.

net-free thursday

I'm going to try something tomorrow.

Or in a few minutes as the case may be.

I am going to stay off the internet for the entire day Thursday 18 September. Okay I will check e-mails because those could be important, but there will be no chatting, no browsing, no blogging, none of that. I'm not sure if I waste any more time online than anyone else does watching TV, but tomorrow I am going to devote the time to reading, housework, that sort of thing. Oh and I'm going to the gym too for another mauling by my trainer - that should be fun.

And then the week will be over, effectively.

Quick note that my nephew, Nicky, will be here Friday night and into Saturday so there's even more time offline. That should be fun, although I am not sure what he wants to do when he is here; his interest level ends at Webkinz these days. But who can say.

That is all.

cranky

I'm working on a day shift this week with the intent of passing on some training to my staff. That's all fine n dandy but it has gotten off to a slow start because the window I have to operate in is so small - maybe 1.5 hours out of the day - that I literally have to sit around and wait for them to be available once their regular work is complete. In the meantime I have to look busy and do stuff to warrant being there. Today I had to fill my morning with trivia as well as my regular work and every time I tried to do something I had to give up my computer to someone else whose needs were more pressing (which is potentially valid because there are X number of supervisors during the day and X number of computers for them to use; me being around during the day means X + 1 supervisors and you can see where things starts to get uneven). So right off the bat I am feeling as if I can't get anything done.

I just woke up from a nap and feel cranky. Cranky because I'm encountering this obstacle at work, and cranky because I feel my life outside of work ringing slightly hollow. I do't know what it is I feel is missing; we've been over the reasons why I am single so many times I believe I've talked the Universe into giving up on finding me a mate. Sure it could be lack of money but I don't think that's really an original complaint. I think I'm back to that whole "There must be more than this," sentiment I expressed a while back, wherein I ranted that beyond work and material things there has to be something worthwhile to keep people interested in staying alive. Although frankly, I've been downtown on the commuter rushes, and there are a lot of people who have things and jobs to help them buy them, but somewhere in the equation they must have offered up their will to live in exchange.

The elusive "other" is still out there and I've come no closer to defining what it is I feel I am missing, nor am I homing in on that feeling of contented bliss. Maybe it's autumn in its slow approach starting to drive me nuts. Maybe I hate my job (I'll be honest, the night thing is boring but faced with the silliness of the day shift I'm starting to see it as a better option for reasons such as more quiet time, and less drama brought on by other people). Maybe I hate my neighbours (there's a new one next door and I can hear his music sometimes and the insane cackling of his bitch girlfriend).

Okay find something positive. Come on. Think think think.

Oh there's something: my nephew, Nicholas, is going to stay with me on Friday night to Saturday afternoon. He's the one who just turned 7 this month. This will be his very first sleepover on his own without his brother here with him, so it'll be interesting. I am looking forward to him staying with me, so there's a slight ray of light ahead. I don't know what our agenda will be; Nicky is not the early riser that his brother is, so we won't be hitting the St Lawrence Market at 5 AM, and he's not too bothered about clothes so the shopping will be minimal. He likes cartoons but I don't have cable. Hmm.

Oh look my cuppa tea is ready. There's another glimmer of hope. Nothing makes things seem less daunting than a nice cuppa tea.

That is all.

big bang day

So this is it.

In a few hours they'll fire their first beam through the particle accelerator and we'll all see just how clever scientists are with their 10 billion dollar project.

I've been reading a few blogs about CERN and the opinions I have read are polarized; there are some people scared to death about what could happen if this goes wrong, and then there are others who are sitting there all smug calling the concerned parties all sorts of names. What really gets me though is the sheer lack of scientific rebuttall; the people who say we should be worried have all sorts of theories and research to quote from, but the ones who are all for charging ahead really have nothing to say except that if we're not scientists, we must be stupid, so we should just sit here and let someone's pet research project put all of us and all our children at risk.

And let's not forget that there's a lot of money tied up in this as well for big investors, all looking for a way to use this information to bolster their respective military forces. So yeah why not go head and vape us all, seeing as the whole thing is probably being built to do just that anyways.

I am not normally one to side with the worriers of the world, seeing as most of their opinions come from quotations from scripture, but this time I'm going to sit with them even if it's not for the same reasons. To me, a scientist using actual rational proof to say this thing is dangerous bears a lot more weight than those who will sit there and say "Oh if a small black hole is created it will evaporate in one second,". There are also clever-clogs who say with all sorts of conviction that a black hole is no stronger than the mass is was created from, which is usually, theoretically, a collapsed star. But the problem here is unless I've missed out on something about the space program, nobody has actually seen a black hole, been to one, or studied one properly. I mean it's not as if we have one handy nearby that we can look at properly - it's all just speculation until we know for sure. I just don't think it's a very smart idea to go playing with this stuff right here on the planet when we dont know enough about it to be sure it's safe. I personally don't think this whole rant about all experiments having a certain amount of risk associated with them is really a good argument when you're risking the whole planet, and the lives of everyone on it. Imagine if it goes wrong - are they going to apologize fast enough?

Smart people can be so fucking stupid sometimes.

That is all.

the eyes of a child

I feel terrible.

On Saturday I was at my sister's house for the day and was telling her how the world is going to end on Wednesday. Whether or not it actually will is another story.

There's a scientific experiment being conducted in Switzerland where a massive particle accelerator has been built with the aim of creating cosmic rays and studying conditions from the Big Bang. I don't think this is a particularly bright idea considering that it wasn't called the Big Bang for nothing. There have been a lot of comments made in the scientific communtiy about the lack of wisdom in doing this sort of experiment right here where we live, and all the terrible things that could happen if it is not done right, like black holes, cosmic rays, thermonuclear blasts - to name just a few.

So anyways there I am telling this to my sister and then I realize that my nephew, Parker, has come into the room, and the look on his face told me he had heard everything. I thought I was going to be sick on the spot from the immediate guilt, that a small boy only 10 years old has just heard me saying this out loud and with such conviction that he would believe it. I was just saying to a co-worker that it was almost as bad as if I had hit him, which is something I have never done and never would.

I can't shake that guilt now. I've been feeling terrible since that moment, and all I can see is his face, on the edge of tears. I can't do anything about it now, but I can't concentrate, I can't sleep right, and I have work I should be doing right now, but I had to get it out there and out of me.

Hopefully on Thursday I can look back on this and laugh.

That is all.

another early morning

The alarm went off at 4:05 AM and every instinct just screamed that it was actually the afternoon and it shouldn't be this dark out.

But no. It's the morning. I am normally at work right now, halfway through my shift, but today I have a Town Hall meeting to attend out in Mississauga. Breakfast will be next followed by a mad dash to the TTC to get a Metropass (late, I might add, because my expenses got held up) and then a trip down to Islington to catch the 35E across Eglinton to Dixie Road.... agh, the joys of transit. Why everything Canada Post does had to be in Mississauga I'll never know.

Anyway. I'll be home around 5.30 PM and then the weekend begins for me. Well, kinda. More on that as it progresses.

That is all.

apres-kids

Parker and Nicky, my delightful nephews aged 10 and 9-days-shy-of-7, were here this weekend.

I met them at Finch station where my sister dropped them off for a visit. Parker has stayed with me before but Nicholas has not, so this was going to be an interesting test. Still, as he spends alternate weekends with his father (divorce, custody, yuck) I figured an overnight with his uncle and his big brother should be just fine.

Despite some initial concerns about not having the right bedtime supplies, though, Nicky settled right in, and Parker, well, he can make himself at home anywhere. Highlights of last night: Nicky got 5 new Webkinz for his collection asa birthday present, then we played with Star Wars toys while Parker watched the 2-part season finale of Doctor Who for this year. Then outside we went with the lightsabres for some fun in the park when it got dark.

Today we were up and out pretty early, and the shopping began. A few things at So Hip It Hurts, and a few more things at Toys R Us, then to the movie theatre to watch The Clone Wars, this time being my second. The verdicts from the kids? Nicky liked it, Parker did not.

And now they have gone home. I had them with me for 24 hours almost to the minute, and not once did I stop to count the hours until they left. I loved having them with me. Now that they have gone home I actually feel a bit lonely, truth be told. I've tidied up my apartment (it wasn't that messy really) and Jay is coming by shortly for some Blakes 7 episodes, so I am not going to be on my own for long, but it's only after guests leave that I feel a bit wistful. Still, I'll see the kids again soon enough, and now that I know they can both survive a visit here together, they can stay over again and have some more fun. I am glad they came; I like to think that them coming here to stay for an overnight is a good experience for them, and it gives my sister a break. And for me, well, it gives me someone to play Star Wars with...

That is all.

ring your own damn Bell

Have you seen the new Bell Canada marketing strategy? It was one of those viral campaigns where they simply threw the two letters "er" onto white billboards for a few weeks and then overnight swapped em all to saying like "Texting just got better" or some such nonsense, along with their new cheap looking logo. I suppose they thought they were being clever.

I've just changed the way I use Bell; I got rid of my land line and am now cellular all the way, which while opening me up to certain potential health risks will work out a lot better for me in the long run. Trouble is, Bell managed to lose my disconnect order first, then started telling me about all the one-time fees they would be adding to my bill; the first person I talked to said a $15 charge for an automated message to tell callers my number had changed. When nothing happened and I called back, now someone else told me about a $17.50 charge for not giving them 30 days notice on my calling plan. My land line is disconnected at last, and there is no forwarding message, so there's one charge I do not expect to see.

So I expanded my Bell Mobility services now, and was told I would get a $250 credit towards a new phone. Great, I thought, this one I have now is looking a little worn, why not look into a new one. Oh, but for some reason, there's a $35 one time charge for this now, and I only get the credit if I buy another bundle of features (features I really don't need, like mobile internet browsing - who the hell has time for that?), and I am limited to a certain range of phones. All this information they never mentioned on the phone; maybe they're questions I should have asked, but if Bell is a sincerely competitive business they should make things more clear at the outset. Unfortunately I agreed to their 3 year contract before all this came to light - and then as I was coming home the other day I saw the inspired Rogers plan where your wireless phone connects to your internet router and you get unlimited calling when you go through it. So I'm kinda missing out this time, unless Rogers adds to their campaign and agrees to buy out the contracts of people who want to switch over.

There's a thought, eh Rogers?

But in the meantime, Bell can stick their one time fees up their one time ass. I will stick with my old phone for the duration of this contract, their $35 fee be damned. And then when that contract is up, I'm off to a different provider.

That is all.

adventures in fitness # 8, or, The Fading Light of Star Wars

196 pounds.

Today I weighed in at 196 pounds. Let the record show that is now 24 lbs down from where I was. I feel kinda tired, but that's because I just came back from the gym. I had a good workout, my trainer even told me I was doing good today. Then while he was helping me stretch after my workout this sick mush slow song came on the radio and we just started to laugh. "This is not good music for stretching another male," he muttered to someone, but in an ironic kind of way, not demeaning. Cool dude.

It's Friday. I feel good aside from the tiredness. I hear thunder overhead out there, a low growl every now and again. Yesterday it apparantly stormed real good but I slept through it. Getting good sleep is key to health, they say, so I have been trying to get more.

I am not sure what's on for the weekend yet. There's a new Star Wars movie out, Clone Wars, that takes place between episodes 2 and 3, but I am not sure how much I am buying into that. I think the big sticking points for me are:

1) it's animated
2) it doesn't really add anything to the mythology
3) it's obviously a cash grab

Is my Star Wars fandom slipping? I remember being all excited about it as a child, and even into my adult life, and I still buy the odd action figure for my collection and play with lightsabres ... but it seems to me that Doctor Who still says more to me on a few levels. Anakin Skywalker's tragic fall into darkness just doesn't seem as gripping as the Doctor's perpetual lonliness.

There's a paper in ther somewhere.

That is all.

it's raining, it's pouring

It's actually a cool kinda Sunday, the kind where you could just whitter the day away doing nothing and be forgiven for it because it was too wet to go out and do anything.

Yesterday after another fun morning at the gym (I'm down to 199 lbs now) Jay came over for another episode of Blakes 7 and then a viewing of the new Doctor Who DVD Black Orchid. Actually, we watched Orchid for it's commentary track which was nothing short of hysterical; the cast got together and just roasted the show together. Bliss. Mark arrived just a few minutes into episode 2 - he's on his way to Rigaud, Quebec, for a work-related mission this week - and joined the fun. Then once all was done Mark and I journeyed north to Aurora for an evening of beers and food with friends. I didn't have any beer, though, sticking to my resolve to be thin and gorgeous. I made a few unwise choices off the dessert platter though.

Mark's off on his way to Quebec now, it was wonderful to see him even for a short visit, and plans are afoot for Thanksgiving in Windsor. I'm told I am cooking the turkey. Fair dues, I've done it before. And Mark apparantly already has a box of PC cranberry stuffing in his cupboard so we're already on our way there.

And here I am on a rainy Sunday. I don't have to go to work early tonight, and I slept well last night so after a nap this afternoon (around 5 PM or so) I'll be ready to go. And then the week starts anew.

Projects? Well, nothing new on the horizon. I've finally done my dining room; I put pictures of it on my Facebook page for all to see. I have a rather large open space on one wall in my living room that is begging for some attention; I think it would be a good place for a large piece of art. Then the over-write of my apartment will roll onwards, with a new coffee table on the horizon, new drapes (or blinds - not sure yet), entertainment unit, desk, chair and couch eventually. I have a 5 year plan, this all fits into it. Just as I get it done I'll be ready to move, probably.

So. Rain. Good day for a cuppa tea and some music, and some intrspection. Or online chitchat... one of those.

That is all.

Duffy

Last night I went to the Phoenix Concert Hall for the first time in.... I'm not sure how many years. Let's just say it was so long ago that I had a VIP pass for their retro Saturday nights. Was it Saturday? Or was it Friday? Or were Fridays exclusively the Brunswick House? Or Colby's when the Brunny got a bit stale?

Anyways. Last night was an actual concert at the Phoenix, and the star of the night was this lovely Welsh girl named Duffy. Well, actually her name is Aimee Anne Duffy, so I am told. She's a pretty young thing with an incredible voice, and she came out onto the stage with no fanfare wearing a simple red and white number which she said she chose specifically for it's "Canadian colours". And then she sang.

Oh wow can she sing.

The crowd was standing room only, as is the case with that place, and everyone seemed to be loving it. Jamie and I were pretty close to the stage so we could see her very well, even if this maniac woman in front of us kept getting her Scary Spice hairdo in the way. and was it ever hot in there. All those people packed together so tight generated a lot of heat. I swear there was air conditioning when we walked in. I don't know where it went.

I've not done a lot of small venue gigs before; usually I save my concert money for big gigs like Madonna, just for the sheer scale of the productions, but on a value for money index you really can't go wrong for $37 for Duffy. She was fun, she wasn't full of herself, she was certainly interested in keeping the audience involved in her performance by talking to us between songs and ad-libbing the odd humourous quip.

Jamie got the logic for this one right; see these new artists when they are still affordable and while they are still producing. My Madonna tickets (3 of them) ran me $550 and although I am going to enjoy that show a lot, I know that my feeling of connection to the person on stage is going to be less because of the sheer number of people there and my distance from the stage. And also perhaps because of the rehearsed structured nature of Madonna's bigger "Stick and Sweet" tour vs Duffy's "hey come and hear me sing" kind of attitude.

Buy her album. Support her.

That is all.

adventures in fitness # 7

A co-worker of mine came into work this morning as usual and while we were talking the usual small-talk we talk, he had to pause and adjust his belt in by a notch. I backed away in mock horror and said "Why why why why are you undoing your pants???". And his reply was "Thanks to you and your stupid diet, they're getting loose,"

Well how about that. I've actually passed something on. And it never occurred to me that I had before; said friend and I will sometime lunch together and upon seeing my choice he will usually change his mind and have what I am having. Okay, so there's three occasions where he has that I can think of off the top of my head, but I guess it's gone deeper than that and he's been doing the same thing at home and other times he eats. And I think that's kind of fantastic.

Tonight I am having English bangers and steamed vegatbles. Iffy choice on the bangers, I'll admit, but I'm combining them properly with the vegetables so they'll digest faster. For lunch at work tonight I've got a garden salad and I will be having a small tin of tuna to go with it, plus a couple pieces of fruit.

Oh. And when I weighed myself last night I was down to 202 lbs - that's 18 lbs gone. My work shirts are getting ridiculously big now; I was saying only today they fit me as if I was a 12 year old wearing my father's police uniforms. So I suppose it would be a good idea to start working the upper body a tad more to give those shirts somewhere better to hang, like broader shoulders perhaps. There's a goal.

That is all.

adventures in fitness # 6

So this morning I decided to take the plunge and go to Extreme Fitness at Yonge and Dundas. This is touted as the newest of the Extreme facilities, and it's in the newest "destination" in the downtown core. I was all excited and eager to see this gleaming new palace of fit, so I scooted up to Dundas on the subway and hopped off, heading onto the concourse of the Toronto Life building ("When did that land?" my nephew once asked, looking at it's lit-up exterior facade a few blog entries back). From the concourse I went down a level and into an unfinished part of the building. Then around the corner. Then down another level. And lo I arrived in this very small space with exercise equipment haphazardly strewn about and men in hard hats still driving about the floor space on scissor lifts fixing the overhead lights. "What you see is what you get," said the girl at the desk.

I was stunned. This felt like a hotel gym, just a half-assed attempt at a gym. There was not a proper locker room, and there weren't even showers. I wasn't too bothered about the shower thing as I was heading home right after, and I think that the lack of that facility is going to make this a handy quiet place to work out for the time being, if not a bit surreal. I worked my shoulders, my chest, my back and my legs today, but I found myself finishing early for some reason. I observed everything I had been taught about my workouts, going slow and doing so many sets, and I even upped my weights but still I was done quick. And without anything else to do, I hopped the subway and came home.

Verdict? Novel. I can see how it will develop into a spacious facility - they even have this big map of all their hopeful features so you can look at it and feel like it's just a matter of time before the gym burts into its fullness. It's got plenty of overhead room so you don't really think about how you are three levels below street, and actually two below the subway. But I wonder, are the clientel really going to be as patient as that to wait for it to be finished? I'll still stop in regardless for a quick workout after work with what's left of my strength (and that's going quick I fear), but the dedicated with more likely take their membership cards and go to another Extreme Fitness until the rumours of this one beign complete make the rounds.

Tomorrow I will go back to the Yonge and St Clair gym my membership calls "home".

That is all.

catching up

It's been a busy few days for me lately. Guest starring in a lot of adventures has been my friend Jamie, with whom I have done a brunch 'n bitch (our usual Sunday event), gone shopping, seen Wanted and Hellboy II, gone shopping again, gone shopping again, then took a long long walk across the city's waterfront during which time I scorched my feet so bad I couldn't put on socks and didn't go to work for a night.

Ah adventure.

I am just getting ready to go to work tonight; there's chicken on the grill for dinner, the dishes are done from earlier and I have a few moments in which to splat some thoughts out across the web.

I'm getting rid of my Bell Canada land line. I called today to say I wanted it gone and after all their attempts to keep me as a customer failed, we agreed that Tuesday 5 August is the day it gets cut off. I'll be sticking to my cel phone for now, just as there is more media attention being thrown at the health hazards associated with a transmitter right beside your head. I don't phone chat that often anyways, but I will use an earpiece from now on. Truth is, Bell is soaking me for $60 a month for something I hardly use. Oh sure they offered me some package that said it was $20 less a month, but after tax gets thrown back on we're right back where we started. My cel phone is with Bell Mobility but as soon as my contract with them is up (if it isn't already) I am leaving them as well since they're hellbent on charging us up the wazoo for text messages. Rogers looks good. I have my internet with them, why not give them my cellular business.

Jay was just over. For followers of my Doctor Who Viewed Anew blog over at http://www.seansdoctorwhomission.blogspot.com you'll know Jay as my viewing companion for several years now. We're at a point in Doctor Who where all the material is either books or audios so I am reviewing them independently, and to bridge the gap Jay and I are diverting with a BBC sci fi series called Blake's 7 which for all appearances looks like it was made with the money they had left over from Doctor Who. And that wasn't much. But it's a very well-written show, the first season penned by Dalek creator Terry Nation, and for its 4 seasons it maintains itself almost without flaws. The title character, Blake, goes missing at the end of season 2 and the survivors of his quest for justice against the corrupt Galactic Federation are left to carry on his legacy, at the risk of their own lives. With the central character gone and the supporting cast sometimes killed off mid season, the show does not follow a traditional expected format, which is probably why it's that good. The speculation that a new hi-tech remake is in the works based on the success of the revived Doctor Who series is a good and bad thing; the appeal of Blake's 7 lies in how it did so well on such limited resources, and if it gets all jazzed up who knows if it would be the same. And unlike Doctor Who the series would need to be reinvented and retold from the start, because the way it ends there's really no going back.

And I'll say no more about that.

For my dining pleasure tonight, it's a spinach salad with grape tomatoes, cucumber and green pepper. And I just realized I forgot the onions. Damn. And an organic chicken breast sliced and spread on top. Mm mm good. The health program continues, despite how boring my boss finds me when I am not drinking, and tomorrow the adventure in fitness will be to try the Extreme Fitness location at Yonge and Dundas after work, just to see.

Tomorrow will hopefully see a review of the facility in this blog, and over at the Doctor Who blog a further review of material.

That is all.

there's still always something

That tar stench is still in the air. I wonder when this crap will end.

That is all.

there's always something

Last summer when I was working midnights for some crap trucking company (and teetering on the edge of bankruptcy before I got my job with Canada Post) I found my sleep schedule challenged not only by the sound of the tennis club next door and the idiot upstairs, but also by the roadwork outside. But it all went away; the idiot moved, the roadwork was finished, and I got used to the tennis noise.

This summer the tennis sounds are back - I can hear one guy out there right now making noises that sound like he's getting close to having an orgasm - and I thought, oh well, if that's as bad as it's going to get, what the hell.

And then I saw them. I mean, them.

Last Thursday I came home from work and spotted a group of rough-looking types outside hovering around a pickup truck. They looked like workers, but in the absence of heavy machinery I figured they were doing a day job on pot holes or something. A couple hours later the banging started. They were on the roof of the building crashing around and smacking up great guardrails around the perimeter. I asked the building super what was going on and he told me it was a big job, this was going to take a while; the whole roof needed redoing. And then to make it even worse than anyone could have imagined, they set up this big boiling cauldron of TAR beside the building, almost right under my windows, so now my apartment reeks of the crap. I just put a table and chairs out on my balcony - they're covered in soot. It's almost 6 PM here and they are still making their noise up there. It's driving me nuts to have to sit through this, and to choke on the stench. And it's hot; and turning on the air conditioners only serves to suck more tar fumes inside.

It is just a good coincidence then that this all happened while my shift has been changed at work for the week, and while I am going to a training course next week. If I had to try to sleep through this all day I think I would have killed someone by now.

And speaking of work. I got in there this morning and found that the normally competant final sort supervisor covering for me didn't pay attention to what was going on last night and my operation suffered big time from a lack of people. So I spent most of my morning once I got there running around fixing things, and then I come home to... this.

I am really hoping for a better day tomorrow.

That is all.

adventures in fitness #5

I realize that blogging about every time I go to the gym is going to get dull for everyone reading this (if anyone is) as well as for me, so I'm limiting those blogs to ones of revelation and achievement.

So I saw the nutritionist again and we talked about alternative kinds of meals, and she offered some suggestions on what I could have. Several ideas were floated around but the one that was the easiest to implement was a breakfast shake instead of making a muesli every day. So I have just had one, even though breakfast was a while ago. I put a banana in it. And strawberries. And rice milk. And a handful of spinach. I know those last two ingredients might make a few people grimace but lemme tell ya - it was really good. I can use cow milk if I want but I decided to try something new, and lo it was worth it. And to go with my new food ideas I have a new personal trainer, as the one I started with has fallen ill and won't be back for a long time. Fine by me, really; she wasn't very clever. I'm sure she's a fine fitness instructor but she had no sense of humour. The new dude does. And okay he's kinda sexy. And he showed me some new things to do which I will be repeating tomorrow. Yes. I have committed to alternating days at the gym now, which I am hoping will make me appreciate my time a bit better. It helps that I am moving to a day shift for the next 2 weeks (and won't the neighbours love the sound of that blender in the mornings - but I don't care) and will be able to really get going on the plan.

And to add to my triumph, I stepped on the scales at Miriam's today. I weigh 210 lbs already. That's 10 lbs down. Of course there's a lot of water loss right away so this is not the road to immediate weight loss, but it's a start. I feel better and my clothes fit even looser in some palces already. This is fantastic.

That is all.

under the broiler

Mmmmmmm. I picked up some filet mignon at the St Lawrence Market on the weekend and am treating myself to some today. Call it my own little Canada Day treat. With steamed brussel sprouts and carrots on the side.

On Monday morning at work one of my co-workers looked at me and went "Have you lost weight, you bastard?". It hadn't occurred to me that I might have, and when I went to a scale yesterday I discovered I have. I am down to 215 lbs already from 220 when I started the new eating plan. I am much encouraged by this.

It's a good day. The laundry is done, the dishes are done, dinner is cooking, I feel better rested than I was the other day, and it's a short week. Yes, I, like so many others, had today off from work, which was great. I only have 3 shifts left for the week and it'll be the weekend again. I've even managed to balance myself financially for a change, although every time I read the paper all I see is how we are teetering on the economic brink of disaster. Way to instil confidence.

Anyways. Dinner will be ready in a bit, I can relax before work and have an easy night of it (one hopes, anyway).

That is all.

adventures in fitness #4, and to Pride or not to Pride

So in my ongoing battle of the bulge, I went to the gym this afternoon for a workout without the trainer. I figured after that last shameful performance I had better do a bit more for my endurance before the next time, so I walked down to the gym (walking!) and did a lighter version of the workouts I used to do when I was with FitCity back in Newmarket. Biceps, triceps, chest. And almost 30 min of cardio (in 2 sessions). Then I walked back home (walking!).

I got cleaned up and went back out again (more walking!) to do a quick shop for some grocery items; dry goods mostly although on the home stretch I stopped in at D&Y Grocery for some peaches, raspberries and blueberries. Ironically now that there is a Sobey's at the end of my street I am going everywhere but the big grocery stores for my food. I did go to Dominion, yes, but that was to use their CoinStar machine, which is a big perk when a dude is on a budget. So loaded up with rice, pasta and oats I headed back home, got my fruit and now here I sit. It was the nutritionist's idea to mix up the fruits I have every day just so I do not get bored with my diet, and I can see what she means. I still have to go shopping for meat and more produce, but that's tomorrow morning at the St Lawrence Market. And then I'll be back to the gym when it opens.

While I was out I noticed a lot of motorists honking at each other at intersections; seems the city doesn't move fast enough for some people out there. I'll confess to a small shred of sidewalk-rage now and then when I am trying to walk somewhere, but that's usually because I'm hoping a quicker pace will be better for me; it's not out of some great looming deadline.

I have a lot to do this weekend. I was going to do some painting (the task I never seem to get to) but I spent the money earmarked for that on my sister and the kids yesterday; paint means a lot less than groceries for growing boys, if you ask me. But I did pick up a couple binders this afternoon and a 2-hole punch so I can start making some headway on finally organizing my bills. I do not want a big clunky filing cabinet getting in the way around here, so I think a few binders will work just as well. I'm starting small; red for Rogers and a nice blue for Canada Post pay slips. I'll tackle Bell and VISA next pay. Additional to that, I've got laundry. I'm going for a pedicure. Michelle and Greg are coming downtown to join Miriam and I for dinner and possibly a movie. And Sunday will be the rest of the laundry and another visit to the gym.

Yes, it's Pride weekend in Toronto. Yes I'm gay and according to everyone I should be down there, but I still feel a terrible disconnect from the whole gay sexfest that is this celebration, despite connecting with other men on a regular basis. I keep repeating this rant every year but gay Pride to me seems like nothing more than an opportunity for the loud and gaudy to go out and perpetuate the stereotype that is gay "culture". Yes there will be hot bodies out there wearing almost nothing. Yes it will be dead easy to get laid more than twice in a day. Yes there will be all sorts of lovely drugs on offer. Yes there will be an influx of lovely tourist dollars to keep our city rich in these troubled economic times (I'm 37 and have never known a golden age, by the way). But none of this holds a particular attraction for me. I see hot guys out there, I get laid when I need to (usually), I don't take drugs and I don't like tourists. I think it's a pretty telling tale when this very same weekend, Montreal's economy gets a bit of a spike as well from Toronto gay people fleeing this city looking for somewhere where the tourists are not. I was going to go to Montreal but it didn't work out that way, so I will stay home and treat this weekend like any other. And anyways, with this new workout regimen happening I can't drink any booze, so a big party where getting loaded is the best way to tolerate the other guests is really not a good idea.

And there's a new episode of Doctor Who tomorrow night that I do not want to miss. How's that for the best reason ever?

That is all.

adventures in fitness #3

...or, How Not To Work Out.

Tonight was my first session with the personal trainer at Extreme Fitness. Determined to impress, I ate about 3 hours before the session as to avoid cramping, I drank plenty of water and then wearing my EXTERMINATE t-shirt (given to me by George and Eddi a few weeks back, bless them) I trotted off down the street to the gym.

Look at me, I thought. Walking! Me! Walking! This is a jump start on my cardio! I had some perky tunes in my iHead as I went, and when I got there I did a 15 minute warm up on the bike and got rid of about 130 calories on the spot. Yeah! I thought. This is how it should be! This is how it used to be back at FitCity all those years ago. And this is how it's going to be forever now!

My trainer found me and we commenced on circuit training, which is exercise after exercise after exercise with no break between sets. I made it through two sets before I started to feel funny, and by funny I mean not good. Bad, in fact. My hands tingled, my vision was off, it felt like I was drunk and about to crash. My trainer figures I shoud have eaten more and closer to my session; she told me I'm not a 100 lb girl so I can eat more, and I should put something in me before I work out that will fuel me better. We cut the workout short, and I came home a bit slower, and a bit humbled. The one most singing thing she said to me, and it wasn't a put down, it was the truth: You're not really as young as you used to be.

So my old ass is home now. I wanted to get all this down before I had a shower and rested up before work tonight. I can pretty much guarantee that I will be sleeping well after work tonight, but I have something else to guarantee as well: this is the last and only time I will feel that way at a workout. I am going back, maybe even as soon as tomorrow, just to do some more cardio and some lighter weights to get myself used to things again. I can feel my body wants to do more, it just can't right now.

Bit it will. Oh yes.

That is all.

adventures in fitness #2

Next item on the quest to be thin and gorgeous was to see the nutritionist. And see her I did. And I found out I was not doing so bad at all in my home-prepared meals. Her philosophy is this: eat the foods that you would find in nature, with minimal processing and minimal additives. The logic is that our bodies as natural products themselves will know what to do with whole foods, and we will be better off with fewer chemicals going into us. Fair dues, I said, and I wrote down everything I had eaten that day.

1/2 cup blueberries
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup yogurt

green salad (mixed greens, cucumber, green pepper, mushrooms) with sweet onion dressing

There was also the odd cup of coffee as well, but to look at that as a sample it's not too bad at all. Yes, I started my reform before I even got in there, but now it's the keeping up with it that is the challenge. I mean how do you keep salad interesting? And how to get enough protein without sucking down a lot of fat with it? There's also the belief in eating smaller meals and taking a healthy kind of snack in between. This I can totally relate to; how many people out there find themselves dashing for food as 12 noon just because it's 12 noon, and they're not even hungry? Every working environment has enough time built into the day for breaks to allow for a piece of fruit or a sandwich or something so that lunch time does not have to turn into a gorge-fest where a lot of bad choices are made.

Do I sound like I've been converted yet?

I was hoping to go work out today and see how my energy levels were going to be, but alas I was wiped out tired and am going to have to try for sometime this weekend. My first session with the personal trainer is going to be this Tuesday at 8 PM, so maybe I can get in there on Sunday and Monday and get started so I am not a wheezing mess on the cardio bike on Tuesday.

One offshoot of me getting a proper workout regime going, though, is going to be less time spend nattering away on internet chats. And that's going to be a massive improvement in my day. Blogging I look at as a creative output so I'm not going to hope to eliminate all internet activity, especially not when I want to keep throwing book reviews and health observations around. But imagine... not wasting hours chatting away. I realize it's all a matter of choice but I am right now choosing to log off and power down for the night, and to settle into my chair with a book.

That is all.

adventures in fitness # 1

So. The time has finally come. I have decided that I am tired of being fat. I weigh 220 pounds. Nothing fits anymore. I feel jiggle where I shouldn't when I run or the vehicle I am travelling in hits a bump.

Now I never used to be such a wreck. It's only when I left Newmarket and started eating like a fool and not caring that I really started to bulk up, but I daresay the worst happened in my summer of unemployment last year. Today when I went for my fitness assessment at Extreme Fitness, I was treated to some truths about my physical state that I never ever want to hear again.

Basically I am a wreck. An erratic sleep schedule has pushed my blood pressure up. My core strength is all but gone. My flexibility is going away. My actual strength is iffy. And I am 29% fat. My god I wanted to crawl under the chair and die every time this guy said that word. And after he led me on a workout for a bit on the floor, I actually thought I was going to. In fact, we did some really simple exercises that left my limbs trembling, which was utterly embarassing, but I had just come off a 12 hour shift at work. I am in the worst shape of my life right now, but on the other hand, there is nothing but improvement ahead of me.

So I am getting personal training. Not a huge package, just enough sessions to put me on the straight and narrow and to encourage me. I am also going to see the nutritionist who is going to tell me everything I already suspect: my eating habits are apalling. Now I try to keep it healthy and good, but with this shift work I just grab what's handy and chow down sometimes. There is nothing wrong with eating when you are hungry, but it's just what you eat, they say, that is the problem. So I suppose the love affair with donuts is over, for good this time. And I will drink more water.

I am reminded of a few choice episodes of Absolutely Fabulous when Edina endures body crisis after body crisis and does everything she can to lose weight, while hoping to avoid exercise at all costs. I still feel like kicking up the fat crisis commotion just for fun, but the reality is I am 37 and my body is not going to look after itself. It's all up to me to take control and change things.

Tomorrow is the nutritionist day. Let's see how that goes.

That is all.

mad

I've been thinking about going mad.

I'll clarify that; I have not been considering going mad, but I have been wondering about it.

When people go mad do they feel all their inhibitions and shackles just fall away from them? Does their new view on life when mad overwrite their old one or do they actually see their own new perceptions superimposed over everything like a transparent layer? Or is the shared perceived reality we all have the real layer that gets torn away?

I've been told I am crazy sometimes. Not by anyone qualified. Mind you, who is to say that a madman is actually mad if the only real definition we have is some "expert" saying someone is out of touch with reality. When so much of what we are told is reality is actually a construct, who are we to condemn other people with their own constructs in their heads?

If being mad means escaping, then I think I want to be mad. Some days I just don't really get what we're doing here if all we are cabable of doing is repeating the same pattern that was laid out before us for countless generations before: eat, go to work, sleep, breed. Is not the definition of insanity doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results? And if we're products of this planet, is the planet not insane?

Here's what's gotten to me lately. I'm 37. I'm not as young as I used to be. Sometimes when I wrinkle, it doesn't always go away. When I get hurt it takes longer to heel. I remember being able to go all night at anything I wanted to. All around me I see guys younger and fitter and I realize we're all the same; we're all just doing the same damn thing every day and wasting our lives. There has got to be more.

I want more. I need to know there is more.

I'm not about to join some crackpot religion or anything, nor am I going to try and start one. That's too much damn work. But I need some truth, some real direction of my own. Things are pretty okay in my life, there are no huge scary hurdles out there for me, but I don't want to just whitter my years away in some kind of holding pattern waiting for some revelation that may not even come.

So sometimes, I wonder if maybe I'm going a bit mad.

That is all.

pressure

It's almost 7 PM here, I haven't been able to sleep today because somehow it's gotten to be 27 degrees with the humidity. My knee hurts. My head is in some kind of spin because there is never enough money, and I am feeling horribly horribly agitated on some sexual level like I can't get enough nor can I get fulfillment when I do get laid.

When I see a hot guy, I can't be sure if I want to fuck him or eat him.

That is all.

its Rogers neighbourhood

Idiots.

Rogers decided to make Miriam's life hell recently by telling her that she had used in excess of 400 GB of her download limit. Anyone who knows this woman knows that she rarely surfs, she doesn't download anything, and her computer is on maybe 5 hours a week, so odds of this being her own activity are pretty slim. We got this resolved with some more knowledgeable people over the telephone, but to be safe, in case this was some kind of spamming mail-bot, we downloaded Rogers online security and installed in, getting rid of the Norton antivirus that she had just paid to have installed. It crossed my mind that as a frequent downloader myself, I might be at risk, so I did the same thing.

Well. My computer now runs a lot slower than it used to, now that this is running in the background. Granted my machine is a bit on the older side of things, but that's because I am not going to "upgrade" to Vista anytime soon and have everything screw up on me. I can hardly watch anything on youtube anymore; it looks like excerpts from the Shopping Channel, or the way it used to look. Even watching DivX videos is dodgy, with the frames freezing every so often, just enough to be disconcerting. And odd times there is this odd "click" sound over the speakers, which is the default sound my browser uses when it changes or refreshes a page, so I know something's going on in there.

Thanks Rogers. Thanks for making my online experience just that much more tedious.

You bastards.

That is all.

a brush with nature

Last night at work one of my staff came to me and said there was a raccoon in one of the monotainers we use for old flyers and such. And lo, there was. A pretty good sized one. His presence there more or less absolved me of doing any work all night, as I had to sit and monitor him until pest control showed up - something like 4 hours later. Madness. And when the guy did attempt to collar the critter, oh the fuss it kicked up, the screeching and the hissing. And then it took flight, running through the sortation area and through final sort amongst the legs of amused postal workers until it was finally captured and dragged out.

This is by no means indicative of a typical night at Canada Post, but I am left wondering: what's next?

That is all.

Iron Man

Parker had a sleepover last Friday night, and Saturday morning once we had been to the St Lawrence Market for shopping, then done a bit of recreational shopping, we went to see Iron Man on a whim at the new AMC Theatres at Yonge and Dundas downtown. Parker's initial review of the building itself was a treat and a half: "When did THAT land?" he asked me.

So. Iron Man. Arms dealer Tony Stark, played by a newly clean and sober Robert Downey Jr, has for the most part been able to wash his hands of what people did with the weapons his company produces until the day comes where he is captured by terrorists. With his eyes opened to what has happened, he makes a clunky metal suit and escapes, then returns to his home in the States, renounces the products his company makes, and goes on a one-man crusade to rid the world of those weapons. And he does it in a sleek yet powerful suit of gold and crimson. And he is dubbed "Iron Man" by the media.

As superheros go, Tony Stark is no Superman, nor Spiderman, not even an X-Man; he's just a guy with a vision, which is more like Batman. I won't say he's that smart; he's brilliant enough to build his metal suit, but he had his head in the clouds if he didn't grasp what the far-reaching effects of manufacturing weapons would be, and it takes having one of them pointed at him for his eyes to be opened. And like Bruce Wayne, he's got enough money to afford to be a crusader, although as memory serves, his identity was never really a secret; he starts by leting his buddy in the military in on the secret, and then his secretary, Miss Pepper Potts (played by Madonna's yoga buddy Gwenyth Paltrow in her first role in years) clues in.

What did we think? Parker said "This is a really good movie!", which to me says it did what it set out to do. I forgive all the nonsense from The Phantom Menace on this same criteria; if a child enjoys it, then you reached someone. Me, I wished they could have turned the sound down a notch in the theatre. I'm not as young as I used to be, and now going to 11 means staying up late, not making my ears bleed.

That is all.

I choked on a piece of Hard Candy

Madonna's new album is called Hard Candy.

She's collaborated with all sorts of people like Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Pharrel to make a street-savvy groove kinda sounding album.

Or so I am told.

My honest opinion? I don't like it. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is that I do not enjoy, but I feel it's got something to do with Madonna - who has for years defined the way pop music has been made - latching onto this new set of the overplayed and the overhyped industry types in what seems like an effort to keep herself in vogue (so to speak) as she comes close to 50 years old. I've listened to the songs. I can only get as far as the 7th track before I have to switch to something else. I don't think I've even heard track 12 yet, to be honest; I can't seem to get there. Maybe it all sounds too much the same. Maybe it just doesn't sound like her. I don't know exactly.

I'm not going to delete it from my music library or anything, but for me the telling moment came when I was putting together a road trip soundtrack for a Windsor adventure in a few weeks and I found myself struggling to put anything from Hard Candy into the playlist out of a sense of obligation.

So maybe it's over. Nothing lasts forever anyways. I have to admit that I was a bit less of a fan after Madonna decided not to come to Toronto for her Confessions Tour in 2006, but now a weak album right after that? Why should I feel like I have to blindly charge about with the rest of the (dwindling) fan base saying I enjoy it when, in fact, I do not?

Unless the next album (whenever that is) makes a bigger splash with me this whole Madonna thing could be coming to a screeching halt. I know that Parker wants to go see her when she is next on tour (if she graces Toronto with her presence, that is) so I'll probably go to that, but beyond that, who can say. Maybe for me it ended in 2006 and I just had to realize that now.

So. Hard Candy. Hard lesson.

That is all.

hallucination tired

Gah.

I went to what is known as a Region Forum for Canada Post and heard the president and CEO of the company, Moya Greene, tell us what she has in mind for modernising the dinosaur of a company. What I heard her say today is that there is going to be money poured into different divisions of Canada Post in an effort to bring it up to speed with competitors, but on the side I work in, collection and delivery, there will not be as much money and it will take something like 4 years before we start to see the effects of the initiatives being put forth. This means 4 years of management on my level having to be creative with the limited resources we have at our disposal, and 4 years of people having to pull a bit more as a unit to get the work done. And while we were inside taking part in this, our CUPW associates protested outside with their placards, despite having been invited to participate. How we're supposed to make any of this work with that kind of attitude is way beyond me.

Anyways. This was a daytime event and I work nights. I had last night off to make sure I was awake for this, but my sleep patterns are now twisted and messed up like mad as a result. I do not expect to make it through the full night now. I may have to go in and get things ready and come home and get some rest; I thought I would be able to bounce back from a switchover but apparantly no...

That is all.

plight and a TTC strike survival guide

So last night at work I went out on what is called a mail audit, where a supervisor visits a mailroom to ensure that everything is being done properly there, the mail is being delivered safely and all that. But the buildings I went to with another supervisor were plight holes from the depths of hell, also known as Toronto's own Regent Park. These very buildings are being demolished to make way for better places to live, and quite frankly for better people. My friend Mark has always said to roll in the bulldozers at night and not provide eviction notices, or if they insist, tape them to the wrecking balls that come through the window.

What absolute slums. The buildings are not secure. They stink. There's dirt everywhere. There's piss in the stairwells. I am suddenly so grateful for my humble abode, more grateful than I have ever been for anything. I have often said that if the zombie plague came and started there, we would never know until it was too late. Last night I was damn sure we were going to be eaten by something.

So the TTC is going on strike on Monday. How to survive?

1) go shopping *now* and get everything you need so you don't have to carry it. If you have to walk more while the TTC is not running you are not going to feel much like going to the store after a full day.

2) get friends with cars or get on a bike or rollerblades

3) DO NOT call in sick. I'm management now and I know how much that screws people up. Find a way to go to work. Me, I will walk. It may take me almost 2 hours but I could use the exercise and really as long as I am home by 12 noon to get to bed I'm fine.

4) get laid. now. because in a city where people need to travel to get laid, that laziness is going to kick in and you will have to go without. and that will just plain suck. This is more important if you are a gay man because we are inherently lazy and dreafully fickle, and if the next best lay is just a mouse click away, why walk to it? Keep clicking until you find something local.

That is all.

playing catch-up

I've slacked in blogging. Not that anyone is really keeping track but there it is.

In the time since I last wrote, I have seen Run Fatboy Run, which is funny but not Simon Pegg's best work. I still enjoyed it. I also went to see 21 on a date - but the dude never showed because he thought it was too windy outside to risk taking the TTC. Idiot. At least the movie was good.

In the literary world - if it can really be called that - I indulged in another Star Wars novel, this one titled Death Star. As one might guess this is about the massive space station itself, joining the tale of its construction sometime after its superstructure was seen being pieced together at the end of Revenge of the Sith. Grand Moff Tarkin is overseeing the project, Darth Vader shows up on an inspection tour, and the occupants of the station slowly come together believing that they are building not an ultimate weapon, but the ultimate deterrant with which Emperor Palpatine will ensure everlasting peace in the galaxy. We all know that's not true, though, and in the aftermath of the destruction of the prison planet Despayre (because the Death Star was built with slave labour; and the planet has some strikingly similar traits to Desperus, a prison planet from Doctor Who back in 1966) and then the obliteration of Alderaan, the cast of characters begin to doubt what they are working on. Two of them are Force-sensitive, which gives Vader a little something extra to think about here and there. And then comes the bit like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, where the plot of the novel starts to overlap with the events from the very first Star Wars movie, A New Hope. Nobody actually meets and talks to Han Solo or Luke Skywalker, nor are they named in the narrative, but they are there during their rescue of Princess Leia Organa. The sad thing is once you start getting attached to the characters you realize that as inhabitants of the Death Star, unless they get off that thing they, and several thousand others, are going to die. I suppose the whole point to this story is to show that on both sides of the conflict there are heros, and not everyone suddenly abandoned their morals and blindly followed Palpatine down the power-crazed path. True, our band of eventual dissenters on board the Death Star are not card-carrying members of the Rebel Alliance, but they're certainly not Imperial lackeys either. I enjoyed this little trip down retro lane, and chanced upon A New Hope being broadcast on the weekend, and found myself thinking back to what was shown as going on behind the scenes, adding a new dimension to my enjoyment of the film.

I read Fables of Brunswick Avenue as well. Back in 1995 I lived on Howland Avenue in Toronto, which is one street over from Brunswick Avenue in the area known as The Annex. I was hoping that Fables might have some kind of nostalgic echoes for me from my time there, but alas the novel is something like 20 years old and the neighbourhood described in its pages is not the same one I was part of. Things had changed, there was less sense of community aside from the whining in The Annex Gleaner about how student life, the Brunswick House and Sabor Latino were dragging the neighbourhood down. I enjoyed the book to an extent, but it's an anthology and I never did like reading those right through, even if some of the regular characters do return over a few stories, sometimes with Brunswick Avenue long behind them in the past.

My professional development has been chugging along. Last week I was in training at the Gateway Postal Facility in Mississauga, learning how to be a more effective team leader. I admit freely that I thought I was going to pass out at times; classroom environments do that to me. I was lucky enough to be in class with some fellow supervisors I met when I came on board last year, and we all had tales to share and some catching up to do. Of course, every classroom has its clowns and there were several in ours. Loud and obnoxious they were not fun to be in there with and are most likely not the best people to work for. By the end of the week I and several of my classmates (we all gravitated back to each other eventually) were fed up. I wanted to complain about it but one of my current co-workers thinks thats a bad idea because I will only draw attention to myself as a troublemaker. I don't get it. And he has always been supportive, I wonder what the hell happened to him while I was away.

So here I am a few hours away from going back to work. The TTC is threatening to go on strike if their negotiations for better benefits are not met (where they expect the money to come from I have no idea). I'm already tired because I couldn't get any sleep this afternoon; the switchover from shifts is tough and I have not had a stable work week for a while now. I have, however, lost 5 pounds. I don't know exactly how I did it, but it's gone. So now I've removed donuts from my menu, I've cut back on things that only had marginal amounts of fat in them because it appeared I was eatign a lot of them, and tonight I had tuna with onions and black pepper wrapped in lettuve leaves instead of bread. Yes, I ate properly and will no doubt be starving in a few hours. But I will survive. I have fruit to take to work with me and when I come home, I'll have a light breakfast and get some proper sleep. The plan starts to fizz out around there; I haven't thought about dinner tomorrow. But here's hoping I make another good choice.

That is all.