So in my ongoing battle of the bulge, I went to the gym this afternoon for a workout without the trainer. I figured after that last shameful performance I had better do a bit more for my endurance before the next time, so I walked down to the gym (walking!) and did a lighter version of the workouts I used to do when I was with FitCity back in Newmarket. Biceps, triceps, chest. And almost 30 min of cardio (in 2 sessions). Then I walked back home (walking!).
I got cleaned up and went back out again (more walking!) to do a quick shop for some grocery items; dry goods mostly although on the home stretch I stopped in at D&Y Grocery for some peaches, raspberries and blueberries. Ironically now that there is a Sobey's at the end of my street I am going everywhere but the big grocery stores for my food. I did go to Dominion, yes, but that was to use their CoinStar machine, which is a big perk when a dude is on a budget. So loaded up with rice, pasta and oats I headed back home, got my fruit and now here I sit. It was the nutritionist's idea to mix up the fruits I have every day just so I do not get bored with my diet, and I can see what she means. I still have to go shopping for meat and more produce, but that's tomorrow morning at the St Lawrence Market. And then I'll be back to the gym when it opens.
While I was out I noticed a lot of motorists honking at each other at intersections; seems the city doesn't move fast enough for some people out there. I'll confess to a small shred of sidewalk-rage now and then when I am trying to walk somewhere, but that's usually because I'm hoping a quicker pace will be better for me; it's not out of some great looming deadline.
I have a lot to do this weekend. I was going to do some painting (the task I never seem to get to) but I spent the money earmarked for that on my sister and the kids yesterday; paint means a lot less than groceries for growing boys, if you ask me. But I did pick up a couple binders this afternoon and a 2-hole punch so I can start making some headway on finally organizing my bills. I do not want a big clunky filing cabinet getting in the way around here, so I think a few binders will work just as well. I'm starting small; red for Rogers and a nice blue for Canada Post pay slips. I'll tackle Bell and VISA next pay. Additional to that, I've got laundry. I'm going for a pedicure. Michelle and Greg are coming downtown to join Miriam and I for dinner and possibly a movie. And Sunday will be the rest of the laundry and another visit to the gym.
Yes, it's Pride weekend in Toronto. Yes I'm gay and according to everyone I should be down there, but I still feel a terrible disconnect from the whole gay sexfest that is this celebration, despite connecting with other men on a regular basis. I keep repeating this rant every year but gay Pride to me seems like nothing more than an opportunity for the loud and gaudy to go out and perpetuate the stereotype that is gay "culture". Yes there will be hot bodies out there wearing almost nothing. Yes it will be dead easy to get laid more than twice in a day. Yes there will be all sorts of lovely drugs on offer. Yes there will be an influx of lovely tourist dollars to keep our city rich in these troubled economic times (I'm 37 and have never known a golden age, by the way). But none of this holds a particular attraction for me. I see hot guys out there, I get laid when I need to (usually), I don't take drugs and I don't like tourists. I think it's a pretty telling tale when this very same weekend, Montreal's economy gets a bit of a spike as well from Toronto gay people fleeing this city looking for somewhere where the tourists are not. I was going to go to Montreal but it didn't work out that way, so I will stay home and treat this weekend like any other. And anyways, with this new workout regimen happening I can't drink any booze, so a big party where getting loaded is the best way to tolerate the other guests is really not a good idea.
And there's a new episode of Doctor Who tomorrow night that I do not want to miss. How's that for the best reason ever?
That is all.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
adventures in fitness #3
...or, How Not To Work Out.
Tonight was my first session with the personal trainer at Extreme Fitness. Determined to impress, I ate about 3 hours before the session as to avoid cramping, I drank plenty of water and then wearing my EXTERMINATE t-shirt (given to me by George and Eddi a few weeks back, bless them) I trotted off down the street to the gym.
Look at me, I thought. Walking! Me! Walking! This is a jump start on my cardio! I had some perky tunes in my iHead as I went, and when I got there I did a 15 minute warm up on the bike and got rid of about 130 calories on the spot. Yeah! I thought. This is how it should be! This is how it used to be back at FitCity all those years ago. And this is how it's going to be forever now!
My trainer found me and we commenced on circuit training, which is exercise after exercise after exercise with no break between sets. I made it through two sets before I started to feel funny, and by funny I mean not good. Bad, in fact. My hands tingled, my vision was off, it felt like I was drunk and about to crash. My trainer figures I shoud have eaten more and closer to my session; she told me I'm not a 100 lb girl so I can eat more, and I should put something in me before I work out that will fuel me better. We cut the workout short, and I came home a bit slower, and a bit humbled. The one most singing thing she said to me, and it wasn't a put down, it was the truth: You're not really as young as you used to be.
So my old ass is home now. I wanted to get all this down before I had a shower and rested up before work tonight. I can pretty much guarantee that I will be sleeping well after work tonight, but I have something else to guarantee as well: this is the last and only time I will feel that way at a workout. I am going back, maybe even as soon as tomorrow, just to do some more cardio and some lighter weights to get myself used to things again. I can feel my body wants to do more, it just can't right now.
Bit it will. Oh yes.
That is all.
Tonight was my first session with the personal trainer at Extreme Fitness. Determined to impress, I ate about 3 hours before the session as to avoid cramping, I drank plenty of water and then wearing my EXTERMINATE t-shirt (given to me by George and Eddi a few weeks back, bless them) I trotted off down the street to the gym.
Look at me, I thought. Walking! Me! Walking! This is a jump start on my cardio! I had some perky tunes in my iHead as I went, and when I got there I did a 15 minute warm up on the bike and got rid of about 130 calories on the spot. Yeah! I thought. This is how it should be! This is how it used to be back at FitCity all those years ago. And this is how it's going to be forever now!
My trainer found me and we commenced on circuit training, which is exercise after exercise after exercise with no break between sets. I made it through two sets before I started to feel funny, and by funny I mean not good. Bad, in fact. My hands tingled, my vision was off, it felt like I was drunk and about to crash. My trainer figures I shoud have eaten more and closer to my session; she told me I'm not a 100 lb girl so I can eat more, and I should put something in me before I work out that will fuel me better. We cut the workout short, and I came home a bit slower, and a bit humbled. The one most singing thing she said to me, and it wasn't a put down, it was the truth: You're not really as young as you used to be.
So my old ass is home now. I wanted to get all this down before I had a shower and rested up before work tonight. I can pretty much guarantee that I will be sleeping well after work tonight, but I have something else to guarantee as well: this is the last and only time I will feel that way at a workout. I am going back, maybe even as soon as tomorrow, just to do some more cardio and some lighter weights to get myself used to things again. I can feel my body wants to do more, it just can't right now.
Bit it will. Oh yes.
That is all.
Friday, June 20, 2008
adventures in fitness #2
Next item on the quest to be thin and gorgeous was to see the nutritionist. And see her I did. And I found out I was not doing so bad at all in my home-prepared meals. Her philosophy is this: eat the foods that you would find in nature, with minimal processing and minimal additives. The logic is that our bodies as natural products themselves will know what to do with whole foods, and we will be better off with fewer chemicals going into us. Fair dues, I said, and I wrote down everything I had eaten that day.
1/2 cup blueberries
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup yogurt
green salad (mixed greens, cucumber, green pepper, mushrooms) with sweet onion dressing
There was also the odd cup of coffee as well, but to look at that as a sample it's not too bad at all. Yes, I started my reform before I even got in there, but now it's the keeping up with it that is the challenge. I mean how do you keep salad interesting? And how to get enough protein without sucking down a lot of fat with it? There's also the belief in eating smaller meals and taking a healthy kind of snack in between. This I can totally relate to; how many people out there find themselves dashing for food as 12 noon just because it's 12 noon, and they're not even hungry? Every working environment has enough time built into the day for breaks to allow for a piece of fruit or a sandwich or something so that lunch time does not have to turn into a gorge-fest where a lot of bad choices are made.
Do I sound like I've been converted yet?
I was hoping to go work out today and see how my energy levels were going to be, but alas I was wiped out tired and am going to have to try for sometime this weekend. My first session with the personal trainer is going to be this Tuesday at 8 PM, so maybe I can get in there on Sunday and Monday and get started so I am not a wheezing mess on the cardio bike on Tuesday.
One offshoot of me getting a proper workout regime going, though, is going to be less time spend nattering away on internet chats. And that's going to be a massive improvement in my day. Blogging I look at as a creative output so I'm not going to hope to eliminate all internet activity, especially not when I want to keep throwing book reviews and health observations around. But imagine... not wasting hours chatting away. I realize it's all a matter of choice but I am right now choosing to log off and power down for the night, and to settle into my chair with a book.
That is all.
1/2 cup blueberries
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup yogurt
green salad (mixed greens, cucumber, green pepper, mushrooms) with sweet onion dressing
There was also the odd cup of coffee as well, but to look at that as a sample it's not too bad at all. Yes, I started my reform before I even got in there, but now it's the keeping up with it that is the challenge. I mean how do you keep salad interesting? And how to get enough protein without sucking down a lot of fat with it? There's also the belief in eating smaller meals and taking a healthy kind of snack in between. This I can totally relate to; how many people out there find themselves dashing for food as 12 noon just because it's 12 noon, and they're not even hungry? Every working environment has enough time built into the day for breaks to allow for a piece of fruit or a sandwich or something so that lunch time does not have to turn into a gorge-fest where a lot of bad choices are made.
Do I sound like I've been converted yet?
I was hoping to go work out today and see how my energy levels were going to be, but alas I was wiped out tired and am going to have to try for sometime this weekend. My first session with the personal trainer is going to be this Tuesday at 8 PM, so maybe I can get in there on Sunday and Monday and get started so I am not a wheezing mess on the cardio bike on Tuesday.
One offshoot of me getting a proper workout regime going, though, is going to be less time spend nattering away on internet chats. And that's going to be a massive improvement in my day. Blogging I look at as a creative output so I'm not going to hope to eliminate all internet activity, especially not when I want to keep throwing book reviews and health observations around. But imagine... not wasting hours chatting away. I realize it's all a matter of choice but I am right now choosing to log off and power down for the night, and to settle into my chair with a book.
That is all.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
adventures in fitness # 1
So. The time has finally come. I have decided that I am tired of being fat. I weigh 220 pounds. Nothing fits anymore. I feel jiggle where I shouldn't when I run or the vehicle I am travelling in hits a bump.
Now I never used to be such a wreck. It's only when I left Newmarket and started eating like a fool and not caring that I really started to bulk up, but I daresay the worst happened in my summer of unemployment last year. Today when I went for my fitness assessment at Extreme Fitness, I was treated to some truths about my physical state that I never ever want to hear again.
Basically I am a wreck. An erratic sleep schedule has pushed my blood pressure up. My core strength is all but gone. My flexibility is going away. My actual strength is iffy. And I am 29% fat. My god I wanted to crawl under the chair and die every time this guy said that word. And after he led me on a workout for a bit on the floor, I actually thought I was going to. In fact, we did some really simple exercises that left my limbs trembling, which was utterly embarassing, but I had just come off a 12 hour shift at work. I am in the worst shape of my life right now, but on the other hand, there is nothing but improvement ahead of me.
So I am getting personal training. Not a huge package, just enough sessions to put me on the straight and narrow and to encourage me. I am also going to see the nutritionist who is going to tell me everything I already suspect: my eating habits are apalling. Now I try to keep it healthy and good, but with this shift work I just grab what's handy and chow down sometimes. There is nothing wrong with eating when you are hungry, but it's just what you eat, they say, that is the problem. So I suppose the love affair with donuts is over, for good this time. And I will drink more water.
I am reminded of a few choice episodes of Absolutely Fabulous when Edina endures body crisis after body crisis and does everything she can to lose weight, while hoping to avoid exercise at all costs. I still feel like kicking up the fat crisis commotion just for fun, but the reality is I am 37 and my body is not going to look after itself. It's all up to me to take control and change things.
Tomorrow is the nutritionist day. Let's see how that goes.
That is all.
Now I never used to be such a wreck. It's only when I left Newmarket and started eating like a fool and not caring that I really started to bulk up, but I daresay the worst happened in my summer of unemployment last year. Today when I went for my fitness assessment at Extreme Fitness, I was treated to some truths about my physical state that I never ever want to hear again.
Basically I am a wreck. An erratic sleep schedule has pushed my blood pressure up. My core strength is all but gone. My flexibility is going away. My actual strength is iffy. And I am 29% fat. My god I wanted to crawl under the chair and die every time this guy said that word. And after he led me on a workout for a bit on the floor, I actually thought I was going to. In fact, we did some really simple exercises that left my limbs trembling, which was utterly embarassing, but I had just come off a 12 hour shift at work. I am in the worst shape of my life right now, but on the other hand, there is nothing but improvement ahead of me.
So I am getting personal training. Not a huge package, just enough sessions to put me on the straight and narrow and to encourage me. I am also going to see the nutritionist who is going to tell me everything I already suspect: my eating habits are apalling. Now I try to keep it healthy and good, but with this shift work I just grab what's handy and chow down sometimes. There is nothing wrong with eating when you are hungry, but it's just what you eat, they say, that is the problem. So I suppose the love affair with donuts is over, for good this time. And I will drink more water.
I am reminded of a few choice episodes of Absolutely Fabulous when Edina endures body crisis after body crisis and does everything she can to lose weight, while hoping to avoid exercise at all costs. I still feel like kicking up the fat crisis commotion just for fun, but the reality is I am 37 and my body is not going to look after itself. It's all up to me to take control and change things.
Tomorrow is the nutritionist day. Let's see how that goes.
That is all.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
mad
I've been thinking about going mad.
I'll clarify that; I have not been considering going mad, but I have been wondering about it.
When people go mad do they feel all their inhibitions and shackles just fall away from them? Does their new view on life when mad overwrite their old one or do they actually see their own new perceptions superimposed over everything like a transparent layer? Or is the shared perceived reality we all have the real layer that gets torn away?
I've been told I am crazy sometimes. Not by anyone qualified. Mind you, who is to say that a madman is actually mad if the only real definition we have is some "expert" saying someone is out of touch with reality. When so much of what we are told is reality is actually a construct, who are we to condemn other people with their own constructs in their heads?
If being mad means escaping, then I think I want to be mad. Some days I just don't really get what we're doing here if all we are cabable of doing is repeating the same pattern that was laid out before us for countless generations before: eat, go to work, sleep, breed. Is not the definition of insanity doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results? And if we're products of this planet, is the planet not insane?
Here's what's gotten to me lately. I'm 37. I'm not as young as I used to be. Sometimes when I wrinkle, it doesn't always go away. When I get hurt it takes longer to heel. I remember being able to go all night at anything I wanted to. All around me I see guys younger and fitter and I realize we're all the same; we're all just doing the same damn thing every day and wasting our lives. There has got to be more.
I want more. I need to know there is more.
I'm not about to join some crackpot religion or anything, nor am I going to try and start one. That's too much damn work. But I need some truth, some real direction of my own. Things are pretty okay in my life, there are no huge scary hurdles out there for me, but I don't want to just whitter my years away in some kind of holding pattern waiting for some revelation that may not even come.
So sometimes, I wonder if maybe I'm going a bit mad.
That is all.
I'll clarify that; I have not been considering going mad, but I have been wondering about it.
When people go mad do they feel all their inhibitions and shackles just fall away from them? Does their new view on life when mad overwrite their old one or do they actually see their own new perceptions superimposed over everything like a transparent layer? Or is the shared perceived reality we all have the real layer that gets torn away?
I've been told I am crazy sometimes. Not by anyone qualified. Mind you, who is to say that a madman is actually mad if the only real definition we have is some "expert" saying someone is out of touch with reality. When so much of what we are told is reality is actually a construct, who are we to condemn other people with their own constructs in their heads?
If being mad means escaping, then I think I want to be mad. Some days I just don't really get what we're doing here if all we are cabable of doing is repeating the same pattern that was laid out before us for countless generations before: eat, go to work, sleep, breed. Is not the definition of insanity doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results? And if we're products of this planet, is the planet not insane?
Here's what's gotten to me lately. I'm 37. I'm not as young as I used to be. Sometimes when I wrinkle, it doesn't always go away. When I get hurt it takes longer to heel. I remember being able to go all night at anything I wanted to. All around me I see guys younger and fitter and I realize we're all the same; we're all just doing the same damn thing every day and wasting our lives. There has got to be more.
I want more. I need to know there is more.
I'm not about to join some crackpot religion or anything, nor am I going to try and start one. That's too much damn work. But I need some truth, some real direction of my own. Things are pretty okay in my life, there are no huge scary hurdles out there for me, but I don't want to just whitter my years away in some kind of holding pattern waiting for some revelation that may not even come.
So sometimes, I wonder if maybe I'm going a bit mad.
That is all.
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