cranky

I'm working on a day shift this week with the intent of passing on some training to my staff. That's all fine n dandy but it has gotten off to a slow start because the window I have to operate in is so small - maybe 1.5 hours out of the day - that I literally have to sit around and wait for them to be available once their regular work is complete. In the meantime I have to look busy and do stuff to warrant being there. Today I had to fill my morning with trivia as well as my regular work and every time I tried to do something I had to give up my computer to someone else whose needs were more pressing (which is potentially valid because there are X number of supervisors during the day and X number of computers for them to use; me being around during the day means X + 1 supervisors and you can see where things starts to get uneven). So right off the bat I am feeling as if I can't get anything done.

I just woke up from a nap and feel cranky. Cranky because I'm encountering this obstacle at work, and cranky because I feel my life outside of work ringing slightly hollow. I do't know what it is I feel is missing; we've been over the reasons why I am single so many times I believe I've talked the Universe into giving up on finding me a mate. Sure it could be lack of money but I don't think that's really an original complaint. I think I'm back to that whole "There must be more than this," sentiment I expressed a while back, wherein I ranted that beyond work and material things there has to be something worthwhile to keep people interested in staying alive. Although frankly, I've been downtown on the commuter rushes, and there are a lot of people who have things and jobs to help them buy them, but somewhere in the equation they must have offered up their will to live in exchange.

The elusive "other" is still out there and I've come no closer to defining what it is I feel I am missing, nor am I homing in on that feeling of contented bliss. Maybe it's autumn in its slow approach starting to drive me nuts. Maybe I hate my job (I'll be honest, the night thing is boring but faced with the silliness of the day shift I'm starting to see it as a better option for reasons such as more quiet time, and less drama brought on by other people). Maybe I hate my neighbours (there's a new one next door and I can hear his music sometimes and the insane cackling of his bitch girlfriend).

Okay find something positive. Come on. Think think think.

Oh there's something: my nephew, Nicholas, is going to stay with me on Friday night to Saturday afternoon. He's the one who just turned 7 this month. This will be his very first sleepover on his own without his brother here with him, so it'll be interesting. I am looking forward to him staying with me, so there's a slight ray of light ahead. I don't know what our agenda will be; Nicky is not the early riser that his brother is, so we won't be hitting the St Lawrence Market at 5 AM, and he's not too bothered about clothes so the shopping will be minimal. He likes cartoons but I don't have cable. Hmm.

Oh look my cuppa tea is ready. There's another glimmer of hope. Nothing makes things seem less daunting than a nice cuppa tea.

That is all.